(This is what you get when you ask Abby to make a monster face!)
Our little Abby has been going through a difficult phase for quite some time now. She becomes easily frustrated and can throw explosive tantrums before I even realize that she needs help with something. Over and over and over again we ask her to use her words. We reassure her that Mommy and Daddy love to help her and that she only needs to ask. Yet she still struggles to ask for our help even though I long to give her what she needs.
Here's a little example of what I'm talking about. Last month, I decided to write down her tantrums and what triggered them. (I'm a list maker!) :)
7:30 - Her napkin fell on the floor.
7:35 - Because Rachel smiled at her.
7:38 - She wanted cereal instead of her bagel and I told her to finish her bagel first.
7:42 - Still crying about the cereal.
7:44 - There was a tiny black seed on her bagel.
7:46 - Rachel had her Zhu Zhu pet.
7:48 - She had boogies.
7:52 - The dog was in her way in the hall.
7:54 - I had a very serious discussion with her about her crying. I got half an hour of peace. Hallelujah!
8:28 - More boogies.
8:36 - She couldn't get her straw back in her sippy cup.
8:55 - The phone was ringing and I couldn't answer it because I was in the shower.
8:59 - Because she wanted me to change her diaper.
9:02 - Because she didn't want me to change her diaper.
9:26 - A sharing issue with her sister.
9:47 - Boogies.
At this point I was too tired to keep writing them down, but you get the point! I also just want to say really quickly that I included this much detail to encourage any other Mommies out there who are struggling with a difficult toddler. You're not alone! I'm in the trenches with you and I'm longing for the patience I need (that only God can provide!) to get through this difficult season of child rearing!
But as difficult as it can be at times, I know that in everything, God has a lesson for me...
As I look at Abby, I see bits and pieces of myself and how I relate to God. I'm sad to admit that I have also relied too much on myself and not enough on God. I have not been the woman of prayer that I want to be. I go to Him when I'm at the end of myself, but when all is well I am ashamedly self-reliant. I read the Word regularly, but I so often neglect setting time aside to commune with Him.
But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:6)
The #1 reason why I don't pray is because I lack faith. Even though I know how powerful prayer is, I can hear Doubt's whisper saying, "Does He really hear me? Will this sacrifice of time make a difference?" How I long to get to a place where prayer doesn't feel sacrificial.
Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God’s people, on the golden altar in front of the throne. (Rev 8:3)
The prayers of God's people go before Him like an offering of incense. Where is my offering?
You do not have because you do not ask God. (James 4:2)
Could I expect to know my husband intimately if we never carried on conversations with each other? And likewise, can I expect my relationship with God to grow when I am silent? Can I expect Him to move and work in my life if I don't beseech Him?
I want my life to be a life of prayer. That I would seek His approval before each next step. That when I say, "I'll pray for you." I'll really do it. And I'll do it with the faith and trust that God will work it out according to His plan and in His perfect timing.
And I want this blog to be an offering to Him as well. That I would seek His direction and leading in the things I write about. That this will be a place of encouragement, grace, and truth. That everything I do would be for His glory and not my own.
Pray for me ladies. :) Pray that God would increase my faith and decrease my reliance on self.
Oh, and if you think of it... pray for little Abby too. :)
For the prayer warriors out there, I want to know...
When do you set aside time to pray? What keeps you going?
. I can't wait!
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